


For the Birds

by Rose_of_Pollux



Category: Hogan's Heroes
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 03:25:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10845495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_of_Pollux/pseuds/Rose_of_Pollux
Summary: LeBeau is on strike, and Newkirk has plans and a recipe for a rooster that's running around in the tunnel.





	For the Birds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Belphegor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belphegor/gifts).



LeBeau sat with his arms folded, stubbornly holding his chin up in the air as his comrades begged him to resume his duties as the team chef.

“I told you, I have gone on strike!” he declared.

The whole mess had started when a farmer, who had been helping downed fliers along the escape route to England, had unfortunately caught the attention of Hochstetter. The Heroes had stepped in to help him escape to England, as well, but there was still the matter of a dozen chickens and a single rooster that the farmer had to leave behind.

The poultry was now wandering around the tunnels, much to Kinch’s ire (“Do you guys have any idea how distracting it is trying to send and decipher messages over the radio when you’ve got a rooster crowing?”), and LeBeau had made the mistake of deciding to solve the problem by suggesting that they keep the hens for eggs, and that he’d use the rooster for coq a vin.

This declaration led to a bombardment of requests for other chicken recipes from homesick colleagues, and, frustrated with them, he had gone on strike.

Initially, Newkirk had thought he was going to enjoy being able to make a good, English chicken recipe, and had persuaded Carter to come to his side about it, but the two had soon found themselves with one major obstacle—trying to get the drop on the rooster to kill it.

“You’re going about it the wrong way,” Carter was saying, as Newkirk was attempting to casually approach the large bird. “Animals can sense your intentions. They’re not stupid, you know.”

“Right, and just ‘ow would you go about wrangling a rooster?” Newkirk asked.

“Well, you got me,” Carter said, with a shrug. “I bought all of my chicken at the store. I could teach you how to hunt wild game, though.”

Newkirk stared at him for a full minute.

“Well, if a ruddy elk ends up in the tunnel, then you’ll be the first one I go to.”

Newkirk now turned his attention back to the rooster, which was now defiantly staring at him, scratching at the ground.

“Right, then, if Louis knows just ‘ow to wrangle you, then it’s nothing that I can’t figure out…”

“Maybe you should just ask Louis how to do it,” Carter offered.

“When ‘e’s being so stubborn? I’ve got me pride, Andrew.”

Newkirk made a grab for the rooster, which suddenly took flight and launched towards Newkirk with a screech. The corporal let out a yell and ran as the rooster landed on his shoulders, furiously beating at him with his wings.

In the radio room, Kinch merely stared in stunned silence as Newkirk, still yelling at the also-yelling rooster ran past him, bolting for the bunk bed trapdoor; he was, finally, calling for LeBeau.

“…Do I even want to know?” Kinch asked Carter, who had been trying to keep up.

“Peter’s got his pride,” Carter explained.

“Ah,” Kinch said, understanding completely. “Our French friend is still on strike?”

“Yup. Though maybe he’ll consider coming back to work after seeing Peter in this sorry state.”

The rooster now flew back down into the tunnel; they could hear Newkirk yelling oaths and curses at it; the bird ignored him and strutted past Kinch and Carter, glancing at them once as though to silently dare them to try next.

“You know, there’s a thought…” Carter said, as he avoided making eye contact with the bird. “Rather than eating the rooster, maybe we can sic him on Hochstetter the next time he comes around…”


End file.
